Blackout
by BigTimeOT4
Summary: What happens when the power in the Akatsuki HQ goes out? Crackfic. Rated T for Hidan's swearing  .


**An Akatsuki one-shot. It's supposed to be funny xD**

**Warnings: Maybe Hidan's mouth xD**

**Disclaimer: they're not mine**

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It was a wonderful night in a wonderful forest in the wonderful Naruto!verse. The wonderful animal babys said a wonderful good night in a wonderful way…

*closes the book full of fairy tales and throws it against a wall*

Rubbish! Second try…

It was dark… of course, it's night. The damn beasts in the dark and scary forest were in their holes and enjoyed the silence…

"Holy fucking shit! The light's out!"

Somewhere in a dumb cave – aka the Akatsuki HQ – the silence was disturbed, when the power went out in the HQ of the men (and the one creepy women) with the cloaks with clouds on it.

The "evil" organisation was in the living room. Pein and Konan were watching some romantic shit on TV, Deidara was styling his hair, Itachi was reading, Kisame was playing with some fish, Kakuzu was counting money (as always), Sasori was sleeping on the couch, Zetsu talked to a ficus, Tobi was playing with some colorful bricks and Hidan was somewhere in a corner praying to Jashin, when the suddenly the light went out.

"Kakuzu, didn't you pay the bills?" asked the leader the stitched man.

"That was too expensive! And it's Hidan's fault cause he took the main power cable!"

"That was a damn emergency, idiot!" Hidan shouted.

"So what? This is expensive, REALLY expensive!"

"I don't give a shit! The state pays it anyway!"

"And where do you think the state gets all the money, clever pants?"

"Am I a professor? Maybe he won it in the casino or some shit like that!"

"No, idiot! From the taxes. And who pays the taxes? WE DO!"

The jashinist was angry with Kakuzu cause he made him a complete idiot in front of everyone. He didn't want to be the only dumb one and changed the subject.

"Maaaaan! Shut up! It's not entirely my fault! Who does always need 5 hours in the bathroom to blow dry his hair?" Hidan shouted.

"Hey, un! Don't insult my hair!" the blonde argued back.

"I don't fucking care about your fucking hair! They look like Barbie's anyway!"

"Pah, un! At least I take good care of my hair! Not like you, un!"

"You want to play my fucking hairdresser?"

"If I was your hairdresser I would've already comitted suicide, un!"

The rest of the Akatsuki listened to them with interest, some of them were bored. Sasori was still sleeping through all the shouting, Tobi had run behind Zetsu to hide from the darkness and Pein could just shake his head. Why the hell has he let them join the organisation?... Ah, they were the only ones who wanted to join.

Konan stopped Peins train of thought when she threw Deidara and Hidan against a wall. It was so dark you could barely see anything, but the shouting gave them away.

"Guys! Chill out! We're not some kindergarten! Act like the adults you're supposed to be!" she shouted angrily.

"Shouldn't Pein be the one giving orders?" Kisame asked.

"Do you have a problem following MY orders, fishsticks?" She whispered dangerously.

The threat of the bluenette woman had a great success: Kisame hid silently behind the couch. If Konan flipped out, they all had a problem. Of course Hidan didn't care at all.

"I HAVE a problem with it! Don't act like you're the fucking boss, origami-bitch!"

"WHAT did you just say?"

"Are you deaf now too? Fuck, I said-"

Hidan couldn't finish his sentence cause Konan just killed him with a kunai which had been laying under a pillow on the couch. You have to know, they had kunais hidden EVERYWHERE in the HQ. The silver haired man was "dead", but nobody cared. Everyone tried to get away from Konan. Poor Pein was pushed in her direction.

"Talk to her! Make her calm down before she kills us all!"

Pein swallowed hard and walked carefully to the place where he heard his girlfriend still growling.

"Uuuuuh, Darling?" he asked quietly.

"WHAT?"

"I- er- oh- well-… … … … … … (How the hell do calm a crazy woman that had her menstruation and held a dangerous sharp kunai?)… … … … … … Do you want ice cream?"

„Ice cream…?"

Silence.

„YES! Get it for me!"

The other members of Akatsuki sighed in relief. Also Pein, who quickly ran to the kitchen – and hit his knee at least 10 times – to retrieve a bucket full of ice cream for his lover. When the bluenette started eating, she was happy and (thank jashin) shut up. Tobi came from behind Zetsu (which nobody saw of course) and went to the ice cream.

"Tobi wants t-"

Before Tobi could finish his sentence Konan had snarled and hit him against the table.

"MINE!"

Tobi ran crying to Zetsu. After 15 and a half minutes everyone calmed down and even Hidan was back to life. Fortunately he preferd sitting in a corner and swear and pout instead of killing Konan. Sasori, who had finally woken up and surprisingly already understood the situation, said:

"Why don't we use the emergency power reactor? We didn't steal it from the hospital for nothing…"

"Riiiight! We still have that thing! … just… where is it?"

Nobody knew it (surprise! XD)

"Okay, I say we split up and search it. Whoever finds it brings it."

So every team went to search the emergency power reactor thing.

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ITACHI & KISAME

Itachi and Kisame searched in the basement. They went on carefully, trying not to fall over some rubbish that Kakuzu just didn't want to throw away cause he wants to sell it on the next flea market. Itachi discovered a small wooden door. _Hm… seems familiar… but what's in there?_ He thought while he opened the door and entered. He heard a loud snarl and then a kind of panting. Suddenly he was licked by a giiiiiaaant tongue. But he still couldn't remember what he had hid in here…

Meanwhile Kisame had found a flashlight that wasn't broken and turned it on. After a bit looking around he went to his partner.

"I didn't know here's another room… Hey, why are you so wet?"

"Something licked me… but I don't know what."

Kisame frowned and lit around with the flashlight until his gaze fell on a pair of paws… but they were laaaarge. The fishman was almost too afraid to lift the flashlight to see what was there. He gulped and looked up and nearly screamed. There was a large black dog, with three heads! Itachi laughed and slapped his forehead.

"Now I know what I hid in here!"

"YOU brought this THING in?"

Itachi went to the "dog" and pet one of the heads, while another one licked him again.

"He followed me home, but I knew I wasn't allowed to keep him, so I hid him here! He would've starved if he stayed with Harry Potter…"

"I didn't know you were so good with animals…"

"You can't be serious, Kisame. I work with YOU, Fishy!"

"Tss, if Pein finds out you kidnapped Harry Potters three headed dog, he will-"

"He won't find out! Or… I'll let them eat you! They love fish!"

"WHAT?"

"Snuggly, Cuddly, Snuffy! Attack!"

The three heads went for Kisame, who quickly jumped through the door that was too small for the giant heads.

"This baaaad fish…." Itachi cooed while he cuddled with the "dog".

"Snuggly, Snuffy and Cuddly? WTF? I thought the whole thing is called Fluffy!"

"I like the new names better! And they do too. Each head has its own and-"

"These are no names for such a beast!"

"You have no idea!"

Itachi turned to the dog.

"Daddy has to go now, but don't worry, I won't forget you again!" he said.

He was licked one last time before he and Kisame left the basement. On the stairs the blue man turned to his partner.

"So… I won't tell Pein anything."

"Tell him what?" Itachi asked confused.

"…That with the dog!"

"Which dog?"

"It happened not even a minute ago! The dog from Harry Potter that followed you home! You named the heads Snuggly, Cuddly and Snuffy!"

"Snuggly, Cuddly and Snuffy? Are you nuts? Who do you think I am? The zookeeper?"

"B-but you … but you just had… and just before… and … and…"

Itachi shook his head and left the basement with a hopless confused Kisame. They didn't find the emergency power reactor thing, but maybe the others were lucky.

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TOBI & ZETSU

Tobi and Zetsu were in the kitchen searched through the boards for the thing. The masked man had just been rummaging through on cabinet, then put a pot on his head and now was hitting the pot with a wooden spoon. While he was doing it he was singing:

"Tobi is a good boy!"

Zetsu's white side thought _CUTE!_ And his black side: _Eat him! Come on, eat him!_

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PEIN & KONAN

Pein and Konan had stayed in the living room. The main reason was that Konan was already eating her third bucket of ice cream and let Pein massage her feet. Sometimes the pierced man wondered who was the boss in their relationship.

"Be a bit gentler! And then I want another bucket of ice cream!"

"Yes, my angel…"

"You don't have to try to kiss my ass! You won't get more sex!"

Okay… she was the boss. And unfortunately he was her slave.

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SASORI & DEIDARA

Sasori and Deidara were searching in the bathrooms. They didn't even try to find it in the bedrooms. There, someone would have already noticed it.

"Danna, un?"

"Hm?"

"What does this reactor thing look like, un?"

"No idea… grey, I think."

"Hm… well, it can't be that large, we would've seen it already if it was…un."

"Mhm…"

Sasori had only one thing in mind: sleep! But he couldn't get rest when everyone was just thinking about the damn light. Well…doesn't matter…

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KAKUZU & HIDAN

Kakuzu and Hidan went upstairs to the attic (yes, they live in a cave but they have an attic xP) and rummaged through some boxes, and hoping that they would FINALLY find the damn thing. Because of the moonlight they could at least see SOMETHING, but Kakuzu seemed more interested in the rubbish lying around then in finding the reactor.

"What the fuck are you doing? You should search for the damn reactor thing, not for this freakin rubbish!"

"But we can sell it all! On the next flea market!"

"Nobody's gonna buy this crap!"

"Don't worry bout that!"

"Idiot!"

"Child!"

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BACK IN THE LIVING ROOM

After a whole hour everybody has given up and met up in the living room.

"Did you find anything?" Pein asked hopefully.

Everyone shook their heads.

"What is Leader-sama looking for?" Tobi asked.

"The emergency power reactor, Tobi…"

"What does it look like?"

Pain was stressed because of Konan's relaxing program and Tobi's damn questions didn't make it better.

"It's a small grey square! It has a red and a green light on it and a small thing to switch it on and off!" He said exhausted and sat down on the couch. Tobi tilted his head to the side and then he ran up to his and Zetsu's room.

On his way back he fell down the stairs and ran against the door, but he seemed fine… well, it's Tobi, after all.

"Tobi's found this last week! He thought it's some kind of game!"

Kisame lit with the flashlight the thing in Tobi's hands. When they realized it was the reactor, they would've killed Tobi right now!

"This freaking idiot knew ALL THE TIME where this fucking thing was?"

"Tobi is a good boy!"

Before anyone could harm the masked man, the suddenly totally nice Konan took the reactor and attached it before turning it on.

And it was light!

After a few silent minutes everyone was doing what they were doing before: watching TV, style hair, reading, playing (with fish and bricks), talk with plants, praying, counting money and sleep.

!THE END!

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**AN: what do you think? xD R&R**


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